no more prague

made the decision to fly back to sg next week. 1 month earlier than planned. i believe everything happens for a reason, and hope that i wont make the wrong decision

Ich liebe dich

i miss him so much =(

disappointing

My hip has been hurting ever since i went to Tallinn. I think i hurt it while i helped my friend to sent the luggage. I tried swimming, sauna and painkillers but it does not helps. Really in a dilemma now. Not sure if i should fly back earlier and skip my tour. It has been hard for me to cut down painkillers and now, i have to go back on it again. Have not felt this painful for so long, rested today but still no improvement over the pain. Kinda worried =(

sun has left helsinki

I could not sleep during my last night in Helsinki. My mind was full of T, and the pretty happy moments we spent together. It was rather sad that our last night ended quite awkward. I felt that at his place, even though both of us were together, it felt like both of us were in our own different world. Of course, with the husky and the card in my bag, it was hard.

I tried my best to sleep, but I can’t. I tried to catch a nap in the living room, but my mind was full of T. Sometime, the “IF” scenario came into my mind. I was pretty emotional, but I never cried. This morning, I was locked out of my building. As I had two luggage to pull, I get one out of the building, but left the other one behind. I rang my neighbours doors, but no one bothered. Desperate, I called the locksmith, but he asked “Puhun Suomea?”, I replied, no finnish, English, English. And I was pretty desperate. I called T for help. T helped to contact the locksmith and explained my situation and I managed to get my luggage back.

When I heard T voice on the phone, I felt at ease, really at ease. While waiting for the locksmith, I was laughing at myself, how I panick, “kanchiong” is a better word to describe my feeling. T came to my rescue, for the first time in a long long time? I felt bad, as T had to work, and it was 5am!

On the bus, I was telling myself, that from the heart of my bottom, I really like T. Mina Rakatan Sinua. “I love you” in Finnish. At the airport, as expected, my luggages were over the allowance, it was 23+9. The lady wanted to charge me half of the exceeded baggage weight, and I had to pay about 50euros! So I started to throw out my stuff, and luckily, she was sympathetic enough to let me go through without charges.

After clearing the baggage and security check, I called T. After all, I have nothing to lose, and I really love T. However, while chatting, I chickened out, and never mentioned about it. I sent T an sms, but I don’t think T replied. I wont know cos now, I am in Germany. I will miss hanging out with T.

The flight out of Helsinki on finnair was much better than the flight going into Helsinki. It was comfy, I got an emergency row seat, and it was pretty empty, less than 50% full. The food was decent, and the service was good, even though the seats are worn out. Nevertheless, it was a good flight. Arrival in Frankfurt terminal 2 was much better than terminal 1. I don’t have to go through a long way to collect my luggage. However, the trip to the train terminal was pretty long. If only they have sky trains like Singapore.

I cant wait to meet Ashar. I am glad that he is with me when I am feeling down. I guess he could really understand my feelings. I am glad I didn’t travel immediately after my departure from Helsinki. The sun is out, and nice weather at 17C in Frankfurt.

Now, I am just too tired to be emotional or enjoy the weather. Just like the blink of the eyes, I have left Helsinki for good, my home for almost 5 months. Now, typing the last sentence, I really feel like crying, but I am not going to cry in the public, at the airport. I love you Helsinki, and I love you T. May our paths cross again. The sun in Europe, no longer Helsinki.

Dramatic end to my stay in Helsinki

more to follow

PS: at the time when i needed courage, i back out, i just want to say, Mina Rakastan Sinua

husky and card

i had the husky with me, and the card. At the end of the evening, i brought the husky back with me, and the card was in the rubbish bin. it was wrong to love T in the first place, and now, i dont think i should give T anything which would hold T back. Time to move on.

yet another goodbye

said goodbye to yet another friend. We never know what will the future bring, but i could only hope this would not be the last time i meet my friends whom i have know in Helsinki.

i know where my heart belong

i spent the past 2 nights at F place. Wonderful weekend, and i know where my heart belongs.

Back at home, waiting for the queen and one friend to arrive hehehe. Queen are u reading this?

Finally

After 3 changes, My departure from Helsinki has been confirmed =\

25th May AY0821

last few days

In Helsinki, yet to pack my bag and my luggage. =\ having giddy spells today, not sure what is wrong. Hope it goes away later =)

betrayed

watched you back for more than 4 months, there for u and more than 90% of my stuff i think of you, and yet u did it. i felt betrayed, disappointed and kinda pissed off. if you take me for granted and never treasure my friendship, then fine. once lost, it may never be back again. I am seriously upset at how things turned out.

I am not stupid!

My result over in Helsinki has been out, with 4/5 for all my 4 modules. I am proud of my result since i barely studied for the papers, i went on a date on the eve of my russian economics paper, was sick the next three days, and it affected my preparation of my corporate responsibility paper. I only study my finnish for 3 hours before the paper, and only 5 hours for my environmental economics paper. I slept through the whole day on the eve of my environmental econs paper as i met my friend at nnight and spend the night over at my friend place.

Yet coming up against the smarter people, people with GPA much higher than me in SMU, i managed to hold my footing, and spending less time in my revision. The result was especially sweet in proving that i am not that stupid after all, getting mediocre result in SMU and struggling to come to SMU. With less effort, attending less class, I managed to score good results in HSE. Well Done! At least, i didnt come to europe to play, although much of my time wasnt spend on studying. =D

Still in Helsinki!

I was scheduled to fly out of Helsinki on the 16th of May. Due to the volcanic eruptions in Iceland, my flight was delayed for 18 hours. With some scrambling and some unfortunate turn of events, i was left without a ticket to fly out of Helsinki. Hence, i wont be going to greece, bulgaria, hungary, and romania. Instead, i will be joining my friends in Croatia for the later part of the travel.

Volcanic Eruptions is rather an unfortunate event and unpredictable event, and there is nothing we could do about it. I am rather disappointed with my friend at how things turned out between both of us, because of the fact that, i didnt go greece and the rest of the eastern europe with her. I dont think i have done anything wrong in this episode and if she decides that i have changed for the worse, then fine with it. I do not wish to talk about it, if this whole unfortunate turn of events overshadowed my efforts for the past 4 months.

So right after i arrived back in Helsinki, i contacted F, and we met up in the evening for a walk, and i spent the night at F place. F bought a present for me, and it is still the only stuff which reminds me of Helsinki. The t-shirt is pretty cute. Beside the lack of time to pack, and tiredness, F is also part of the reason i chose to stay back in Helsinki for longer period. Hence, i would be flying out of Helsinki, 1 day after F has to fly Amsterdam for a conference. We met up the next day for a walk around the lake, and we saw a rainbow at the fountain. F also baked a sponge cake for the walk.

Regarding T, I just have to said this, when you want to meet someone, you would ask that person out. I have always been the one asking T out, and now, i am seriously doubting if T is even interested in meeting or maybe T is just like the rest, no use meeting up when i am able to leave this country. I met D on sunday, finally after 5 months of chatting, for a coffee. Somehow, we always didnt get to meet due to one reason or another, either me out of Helsinki or falling sick when i planned to visit Tampere.

I am heading to Tallinn in a short while, yes Tallinn, 2 time in 2 weeks! Tuesday will be gone, Wednesday will be doing the adminstrative work, settling stuff with school, and also to Icelandair office to settle the claims and received the documents. Thursday would be swimming? and my last weekend with F.

Just when others give up and refuse to take it on, you have the courage to step forward. With your move, we have so many beautiful moments. The twist and turn of fate has been rather kind to both of us, with another weekend to be spend together. Thank you for the amazing time we have together. I am not sure what the future will have in store for both of us, but i hope that Fate will once again, has surprises in store for us.

i miss you

are you missing me?

wonderful past week

I finished my crappy exam last week, my last paper in Helsinki. AFter the paper, i hosted my first CS person and he is so cute! Vivi was all over him! G arrived on thursday and we had a nice dinner. After that, everything just went downhill with G! dont wish to talk about it

Friday is Vappu Eve, and i had a great time with F. Suddenly, F begins to pop up in my life. I never had such a great time partying ever! It was the best evening i ever had in Helsinki, and it was so special. Vivi and I had a picnic on saturday with the taiwanese and the hongkies, before heading back to rest from the great party on the eve. I invited some CS people over for dinner, and oh man, someone was so drama hehehe

Supposed to bring G out on sunday till he went weird... so I met up with T, yes T. We had a nice lunch, walk and chat in the afternoon. There are some mentions about IF, IF T was ... or IF we had ..., but all these dont matters anymore. All we can do is to look forward and enjoy our time spent together during my last days in Helsinki. I was reading this blog, only to realise that most of the entry are about T.

Monday and tuesday, which was yesterday, were spent in Estonia, and i had a terrible time, thanks to G. Apparently, we had out differences and glad that i wont be seeing G again. Nevertheless, i am glad to had my favourite pancakes again! Kompressor, die die must visit la!

I am meeting F later on, cooking chicken rice for him. It is his birthday tomorrow, so i got my flowers and choc cake ready for him at one of the most romantic spot in Helsinki. Excited about it, but yet again, i will be leaving F in a week time. This has been the story of my life in Helsinki, meeting fantastic people, yet without fate to be lovers.